sendingicebergs replied to your photo “With the iPhone 5 providing fill light, I debate putting a ring for…”
Huh what now I’m listening
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I want to go take photos today. Somewhere really green and lush.
Maybe I’ll ask a friend if they’d like to do that. Maybe just sit and relax in the shade.
chungsun replied to your post “chungsun replied to your post “Everywhere I’ve gone today there are…”
There’s a huge spectrum of children and sometimes there really is nothing parents can do that they aren’t already doing. This includes children who have suffered abuse, trauma, or on the autism spectrum. Lots of parents also never had good parenting modelled for them or just…
Reflecting on this kind of just made me think way too much about how little opportunity and information is available to people in low-income families (like my own growing up and these kids I see often). We don’t let victims of abuse know that there are ways out of abusing relationships, parents with special needs kids there resources for learning tailored to their needs, that there are low-cost psychologic services… it reinforced a conversation I had with friends how the US is seemingly willing to flip the bill for those in need, but never lets them know. And when they get there, services can be denied because they’re uninsured.
My mother had a poor parent model. He dad was absent, because her mother was (and is) just terrible to everyone. She’d pin her daughters against each other, emotionally manipulate them and sometimes get physically abusive. I think that’s why she consciously made the effort to be different, and sought out parenting resources, even special needs and psychological services for my siblings and I, even her godson who has an autism-spectrum disorder. But my mom had to seek these parenting resources out, and they weren’t easy. I’m not even sure how my family payed for them, because we were so poor, they must have taken charity cases.
Sure, I can’t be certain that these kids were not any of these, or even the parents for that matter. But I feel like doing nothing, or bringing in retail workers into the commotion your child is making (like parents asking me to take a toy from a child too many times in a checkout lane) is probably not going to be helpful for anyone. That is clearly the parent passing the bad-guy buck to you, and not taking responsibility.
And it boils down to patience and responsibility. These parents didn’t seem to have it. Maybe I caught them on a bad day and they were just beyond exhausted, defeated from the many facets of life. Or maybe they just let their kid control the situation, I can’t be sure (I’ve seen too many kids cry real tears and crocodile tears to ever trust children, they’re more clever than adults give them credit for).
I don’t have either of these characteristic that I’m willing to give to a child, because if my mom tried as hard as she did to parent I still ended up like this, raising a child who can perform well in society, who knows how to deal with their emotional issue (if they have them), and have perseverance has to be tough.
chungsun replied to your post “Everywhere I’ve gone today there are bratty children. Kids crying…”
You say that like you somehow know how to and do it all the time.
chungsun, I’ve worked too much retail to ever do that to some poor retail worker.
Seeing these families just reminded me of my mom’s parenting. People would give her looks, because she looked so young (and she was pretty young) with three kids. When we were in public, we were always on our best behavior.
What she’d do was tell us where we were going that day, and in what order, so we could mentally check it off a list, so we didn’t have to ask when we were going home.
If we were going to a store where there were toys or candy and we had to pass by them for whatever reason, if we asked if we could get it and my mom would answer “Not today, it’s too expensive. Maybe for your birthday/Christmas” (which was true, because we were dirt poor when I was very young and would continue to only get gifts on my birthday or for Christmas). And my mother wouldn’t let us take the things off the shelf if we weren’t going to buy them, just to avoid the potential screaming, and because that’s extra work for the retail worker (my mom also has a long history of retail work).
And, I’ve only seen my mom lose it at a store once, and it was because the butcher was short changing her, and continued to throw condescending language at her because she’s a woman.
I know I’m overly-critical of children and parents, and I think it’s because I use my mom as an example of a woman with an absentee husband and little time and money.
Not everyone can do the same at my mother, because everyone is different, I don’t know their stories, I don’t know how they feel being parents. But the outward appearance just seems like “I just need to shut this kid up, so I’ll give them what they want so they will,” instead of actually communicating with their child like a human being, and why certain behavior isn’t acceptable and why you can’t have this right now. I’ve circumstantially seen kids raised that way become pretty annoying people to be around now that they’re teens and adults.
I think the sheer amount of time and effort I’ve seen my mother put into raising three kids has deterred me from ever having children. It’s too hard and I’m to selfish. I don’t want to do what my mom did, but I don’t want to be these irresponsible parents in the shops (coupled with the fact that children make me nervous). So I’ll just be fine being the weird uncle that the kids only see on holidays and birthdays.